One of my sisters told me last night that our youngest sister has been diagnosed with depression. It seems that it's biological. She has been receiving psychological help for some months now (we encouraged her for some time and after patience prodding, she realized that she needed the help), but her doctor said that with the current results, family will need to switch her to a psychiatrist so she can also be medicated. 

That's sad news but at least she's receiving professional help. I'm just concerned about the costs. Her sessions are really expensive and mom is considering looking for a cheaper doctor. The catch is that we don't know how much we would be sacrificing when it comes to good and pertinent service. Is expensive always good? Is cheaper always bad? 

*sigh*

That aside, I'm still looking for jobs. If search is unsuccessful, I'll just go home. But what a bummer. My opportunities of finding more things are better here, but if it's not meant to be, I suppose I'll just resigned myself. One can dream big, but sometimes dreaming too big is simply unreal. 

I've been losing hope. Sometimes I tell myself I can keep trying, but other times--more often than not--I'm just discouraged and disappointed. Sometimes I find myself thinking, after all the sacrifices, all the stress, it was probably useless. Maybe I've wasted my time and my family's efforts. 

Pathetic. 

What's worst is that I continously see otehr people. Their suffering, their pain, their obstacles, and I ask myself, why can't I be as strong as they are? Why can't I get their energy and endless hope? 

It's tough. But what can I do. Some days are just like today: in which I dwell on failures and don't look beyond them. Other days, I'm just happy to have had chances, opportunities, and want to keep on dreaming. 

I wish the latter was dominant.