Counting the days

I'll start from the most menial thing to, I suppose, the most important one - at least to me...

So after almost two months living in humid, dry, hot, and considerably polluted Beijing, my body decides to get sick just when finals approach. Just wonderful. On Monday, I had so many pity parties that it wasn't even funny, though I have to say, I truly appreciate my teachers and friends/classmates concern. Teachers and friends came to visit throughout the day, and it was nice to be able to sleep for a chance. Of course, that doesn't mean my body is much better. Head doesn't hurt that much anymore, but my throat continues to be sore and my nose is stuffed. We'll see how things are tomorrow; otherwise, I'll give in and go to the hospital as suggested by all teachers. >.<

I just finished watching yet another depressing and long, long Chinese movie for class. While the plot (if there was one) was interesting, the ending almost brought me to tears. I still can't watch movies where the father dies (or any other member of the family). I simply can't. I would say that I'm over it, but that would be a blatant lie. I have accepted the fact, I have accepted the reality of things, but that doesn't mean it makes things easier. At the end of the day, there's still that part of me that isn't here anymore, and although I don't think about it very often now, there are days in which I can't help but remember. This is how life is, how things are designed and arranged, and sometimes, there's nothing we human beings can do but to wait, be patient, observe, and just keep moving forward.

Going along what was aforementioned, soon another year will pass. I hope I have grown and become a better person than the year before. I hope that I became wiser, stronger. But I would be lying if I say that I haven't become weaker in some aspects as well - more afraid of things (not because they're horrendous per se, but because they're simply out of my hands and I can't change them no matter how hard I try, or because what is ahead is blurry and I truly which direction I should take). So another year, more hopes, responsibilities, duties to come, and more experiences to learn from. And it is in moments like this that I feel alone. Not because I don't have people around me, but because I have to face these issues by myself. They're my challenges and my trials, and sometimes I wish I could have a hand that is guiding me throughout the whole process (there are times in which I do have that opportunity, but most of the times, I have to do things alone). It's part of being an adult...

I wish I didn't over-think, or stress myself out with so many questions, but you know, I think I have self-declared myself the carrier of thousand issues, the pseudo savior of the world. 自命为救世界的那个妇女! Perhaps my life is too boring and that's why I need to occupy myself in such way, perhaps it's part of my nature, character, take your pick. But whatever is the case, counting the frustrations, the losses, and the whines, I'm thankful for what I had, what I have, and hopefully, what I'll have. If I compare myself with the rest of the world, there are millions who are not as lucky as I am. And just because of that, living is simply a luxury that not every being/thing in this world can enjoy.